Here's MY question...

Okay, so i just came across a video of the He-Man intro... now, i have nothing against He-Man.. in fact, i loved it when i was a kid, but watching that intro now that im older brought up a few questions. But before i get into that, let me give u some background:

"I am Adam, Prince of Eternia, and defender of the secrets of Castle Greyskull. This is Cringer, my fearless friend. Fabulous secret powers were revealed to me the day I held aloft my magic sword and said, "By the power of Greyskull, I have teh power!" Cringer became the mighty BattleCat and I became He-Man, the most powerful man in the Universe! Only three others share this secret, our friends the Sorceress, Man-at-Arms, and Orko. Together, we defend Castle Greyskull from the evil forces of Skeletor!"

Now that we're all on the same page... several observations come to mind:

- For starters, why the hell is He-Man's name "Adam". I mean, if you're freakin He-Man, wouldn't you have a cooler name than Adam? Forget that, you can argue that before he was He-Man he was a regular dude so he should have a regular name like Adam.......... except for the fact that he's also the prince of Eternia. Why is the king of Eternia namin his son Adam? Your kingdom is called ETERNIA.... that's like bein like:

"Im ruler of the planet Q'thor!"
"Oh, for real man? what's your name?"
"Earl..."

... it just doesnt work. If we're gonna believe this fantasy stuff, you gotta take it all teh way and not wuss out at something so critical as the name... cuz aint nobody gon' believe you a prince of a place called Eternia and you got super powers if your name is Adam...

- No super powers should ever be called "fabulous". Im sorry. It wasnt the secrets of flawless decorating that were revealed to it, you and your sword were zapped by a beam and you learned to kick ass. Find another adjective other than "fabulous" to describe that. Cringer didnt become freakin BattleCat by getting "fabulous" powers...

- Speaking of which, what the hell kinda name is BattleCat?? I mean damn, He-Man! you were awfully selfish with the cool super-names:

"Sweet! i have super powers!.... but i cant be the most powerful man in the universe with a name like Adam.... i know! He-Man! aww, yea. That's tight.. oh shit! Cringer! What happened to you? you are straight BUCK now! aww man you need you a cool name too then! what can we call you.. lets see.. you're a cat... you're buck.. that means you'd be kinda good in battle... BattleCat! yes! how'dya like that buddy!"

I know Cringer was mad as hell like, "you are shitting me... thats the best you can come up with you ass?! HATER! Just cuz i cant talk and dont have fucked up hair doesnt mean you gotta hate man... i swear, if you weren't the most powerful man in the universe, i'd fuck you up... let me not catch you one day drunk in an alley, i will...." *trails off*

- I also love the way He-Man gets his powers. Observe:

"Fabulous secret powers were revealed to me the day i held aloft my magic sword and said, "By the power of Greyskull, i have the power!"

...what?! First of all, please. Second of all, never use the word "aloft" again. Ever. Thirdly, who does that?? what were you doing that day that made you be like, "hey, what would happen if i held up my sword and said, 'by the power of greyskull, i have the power!'"... that just cracks me up. And speaking of He-Man's sword - what the hell! Isnt that joing just a little dramatic? Like, i understand he's a prince and everything, but damn! Do you have to walk around with a piece like that?? what happened to just a regular sword? Does it have to be like the bazooka of swords? and i love how he can just stick that shit behind his back and it doesnt even show! He's like Highlander, only that dude always wore a trenchcoat, so that kinda covered things... what does He-Man have to use as a cover? his clothes barely cover him... im just sayin...

- I think Man-at-Arms' name is hilarious.. im sure he makes Cringer feel better like, "damn bro... i thought i had it bad. *cackle!*"

- But the most important thing that bothers me about He-Man (now that im old and bitter) is his flat-out arrogance. "I'm the most powerful man in the universe!" ... yea, that's real humble. What an ass.

Well you know what He-Man? you aint all that. You might have fabulous powers, but your haircut is wack and your gear is tired. We in the new millenium buddy, and it's aall about looks. I dont care if you are the most powerful man in the universe - try gettin a date with that shirtless-vest look you got goin there. Even Sorceress is like, "yea we friends, but dont get twisted - he aint gettin none!"

and THAT'S my rant!